Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Always a road block...

Since he was born, it has been nothing but one BF roadblock after another. Sore nips, thrush, plugged ducts, growth spurts, visitors, exhaustion, and now its TIME. My Grandparents want to put their house on the market and move back to Cali to be with their kids. I support that 100%. To do so, they must clean out their house/property. Well, 70+ years of stuff collected, and them not having been in good health for the last 10 or more years has really taken its toll on the house. Mind you, its not quite and episode from Hoarders...but it is an undertaking of epic proportions. I am all to happy to help. I love my G unit, and they are compensating us very very well. Lord knows we need this money, they need the help. Its a win-win for both of us no doubt. But it is really making BF difficult... I am SO busy there and morning time is important for two reasons:  1. It's when I have the most milk available and 2. its when Dalton is most needy for comfort. It has really been hard for me, and him too I am sure.

This morning was the last straw for Dalton. He was not comforted anywhere anyway unless he was in my arms and nursing. I KNOW he is going through a growth spurt right now. He needs that milk, that love, that comfort that only Mommy can provide. And I am not able to give myself to him totally. It's very hard. I cannot starve my family (this is the only way we are gonna make it these next few months) and I cannot starve my child for attention. I cannot win at this game, no way now how. The DPD is starting to kick in, and I really need to maximize it's potential by nursing and or pumping as much as humanly possible.

I am trying not to allow myself to feel upset or down by this. I know that I am doing the best I can do, and doing the right thing for my Grandparents..bottom line, they don't have anyone else that can help them. They would be forced to hire strangers to help. And that is just not acceptable.

So I say  prayer to my Lord Jesus:  Lord, you  have provided me the money to buy this medication so I can provide the best for my child. You have opened up an opportunity for us to make money so that we do not lose everything we have. I pray for the strength to get through this hard time. I pray for my baby boy, that he know that his mama loves him and is not trying to ignore him.I pray for my Everit and my Ryan that they know the same. I pray for my breasts, that they may stay full with milk and continue to produce more and more each day. Be with us Lord, carry us in these times we need you most. Most of all, I thank you for my already immense blessings. Amen.


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