Wednesday, July 8, 2009

AF is here! Hooray!

And a shout out to my good friend D, who shows me the light on even my darkest days! MUAH!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

AF decided not to show after all. So I am once again in limbo. Andy has decided that I am not worthy of speaking to, because *gasp I made him get out of bed to go to work, which he was already late for.


Monday, July 6, 2009

I guess I cannot be all bubbles and sunshine all the time, right? I started spotting this morning, but no AF yet. I am cramping, and crying, lol. Grumpy. I feel like she is here but nothing is happenening!

I have tons of housework to do after the party mess. Andy is supposedly coming home early, and if texts say anything at all he is in a worse mood than I am. I hope we can just slide through today without too much drama. *sigh*

FWIW, my in laws, I am sorry. Really really sorry. You know why.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Happy Birthday America!

With so many changes going on every many negative things happening this may be one of the most meaningful Fourths I have celebrated. I know that America is in a bad way right now. We as a nation, have no faith in anything. Not our President, not our economic system, and hell lets not be coy, have we EVER trusted politics and government? We fear the middle east, we fear our dependence on THEIR oil (which we don't need, but that's another blog for another day.) We fear North Korea (in my opinion, they SHOULD be feared.) And all the while we are back slipping, further and further away from the very principles that our country was founded on! Gone is morality. Gone is the Christan, God Fearing beliefs we have known to be true from the beginning. The devil has his hooks in our great country.

Now, I am not at all upset that this is happening. The Bible prophesies all of this and more. I see it as one step closer to the end. Its scares me, of course. I do not want my children to suffer. I do not want my family to suffer. But I am ok with being that much closer to meeting my Lord.

A few weeks ago, I engaged in a debate with some agnostics/atheists/non believers. (Everything quoted is paraphrased and generalized, not direct quotes.) I was quite shocked by their feelings towards Christianity. They despise it. They feel that it is a religion that has been ruling people with fear for centuries. Well, LOL, YES! It is a fear based religion! Fear of God and his wrath, fear of Hell! Their general consensus was, "I don't want to feel bad about what I do..." so they do as they please. Not saying they are wicked, not at all. They are all Moms and wives, doing their best. But somewhere along the way they gave up on being "good." And felt repressed by the ties of organized religion. Its these people, i think, that need our prayer the MOST!!

And this is the nutty part: When asked what they fear, here was their response "We fear that maybe we are wrong, there really IS a God, and we will have to suffer the wrath for not believing." WHA WHA WHAAAT? They claim that Christianity is the "easier" path to take, because our lives our planned out for us, and we always have support from prayer, the Bible, church, etc... well, I disagree about the easy part lol. Its quite difficult to be a Christian. It's very hard to let go of yourself, your worries and fears and needs and put them into the hands of a being you have never laid eyes on. Not to mention all the while you are completely bombarded by thousands upon thousands of thousands of immoral visual images, auditory views, from TV, billboards, schools, advertising, false churches, "progressive" religions, media, books, literature, Internet..... (breathe!)

I think it would be MUCH easier to be an atheist/agnostic. You reap the benefits of doing as you please. You are not forced to follow a moral guideline. No one makes you get up and go to church. You do not have to learn any hymns, donate your time to someone who needs you, make a casserole for a sick person you have never met. And best of all? You don't have to pray! Woohoo! Nope, you can just do what you want, pretend that being a good person will get you where you need to be in the afterlife, and skate on through. Oh, except for that pesky voice in your head screaming you will burn in hell. But xanax could probably take care of that, right?

I know that sounded harsh, and I didn't mean it to. I am not bashing any ones beliefs, as it is not my place to judge at all. Yes, I think they do have a hard road ahead of them. But its not the life they lead here. On earth, they are now the majority. Their beliefs (or lack there of) are now the "in thing" and they are welcomed with open arms by most. Their hard part is coming soon. That's the judgement. That is why they need our prayer. They need our prayer because there is a part of them that KNOWS deep down there is something working behind the scenes, and they KNOW that to be the very God they rejected. And our God is an awesome God. He will give them that chance to repent. He will see their souls, and know their hearts. And if they are true. they will be saved.

So on this Fourth of July, I will pray for the souls of the confused. I will pray that those who still have an opportunity to be saved will be approached by someone who can show them the way back home. I will pray for the politicians that still have a shred of morality left in them. And I will pray for troops who have been fighting this war so valiantly.

Gos Bless America.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

in this world... trying to find my place. I am blessed beyond belief. I do not have things of value, monetary value that is. I have love, family, children, and friends. That is all we need. No, you cannot buy a burrito by cashing in a family member. But when you cannot afford that burrito, there will be someone there to help you.

I love the Lord. I have HIM in my life, and I am blessed by him.

I want to be part of something. I want to help. I have a feeling that I am needed by someone. I may know that person, or I may not. But I will be of some help to them somehow.

I have questions that need answered. And I know there are others that have questions as well.

Lord bless me today with the knowledge and tools I need to do your work. Allow your presence to fill me, so that I can share your love with others. As a friend of mine reminded me today.... "Let my little light shine." ;)

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

After feeling quite anguished yesterday over this whole 11:11 thing, and praying feverishly for God to give me an answer about prayers were answered today!

As the the last blog post stated, everything 11:11 seems to be connected to numerology, and some Unitarian "Light Spirit" crap that reeks FAR to heavily of Wicca related poop for my taste. Basically, a load of shit that I refuse to believe, as it goes against my beliefs completely. I am not going to say its EVIL. I cannot make that judgement. But I got this answer today, after reading some guys article about his experience with 11's. The article read fairly well, no mention of Angels whispering or spirits talking. It spoke of opening a door, so to speak, when the phenomena occurred and take heed what you are doing at that moment... supposedly whatever you are participating in, or thinking when you see 11 it is the RIGHT thing, and should be pursued further. Seems logical enough to me surely. Then I clicked a link at the bottom of his page that said something about Christianity... NOT OK WITH WHAT I SAW THERE. The article was about shedding all the former beliefs about Christianity..STOP GOING TO CHURCH! Was in bold letters... I barely skimmed a paragraph...then it hit me...

11:11 is bad. Bad for me. Bad for a Christian person who is trying every day to become a better Christian and strengthen her relationship with God. In essence, the devil is trying to distract me. I am at a very critical moment in my personal development. A make or break kind of deal I guess. I NEED to step forward in one direction or the other, and the devil realizes this and is doing what he can to get me back. Why you ask? Because since I have been feeling his anxious, something is coming don't know what to do feeling I have been bombarded with signs and urges I had long since shed. I have not questioned my faith per say, but have been wondering about many things that maybe I should just take as is.

So, you are reading this and thinking, Joee, seriously? God and the Devil fighting over you? OH PULEAZE! But in reality, it happens to most Christians every day. This just happens to be a very profound moment in time, something I have been made aware of because big things are coming. My faith is being tested harder than ever. I have lost a child. We are in financial stress. God is pushing hard, Devil is pulling too, and I am under pressure like I have never been before.

HAHHA!!! guess what? My faith will not be shaken. I will never renounce my Love for the Lord Jesus and our God. I believe in the scripture. I believe in kindness. I believe that war is coming, and is necessary. If it comes to pass that I am forced to renounce my faith, or face death? I take death gladly. I love my children and my husband. I love my family and my friends. I pray for them, and for all people that need faith in this world. I pray for the people that even though they will never except Jesus, that they do not suffer a terrible fate.

Another thing... a reason I guess I believe all this to be what it is. Mentioned again, in a previous post. My peace with Taylin...its not of this earth. I do not feel grief. I am not sad, upset, shaken, scared by the fact that we lost her. I am at peace with that. And a peace that strong and beautiful can only come from one place. ;)

Whats next? Ah I breathe a sigh of relief, keep steady on my path to happiness, and stay away from the things that make me second guess where I should be, or what I should be doing. Are changes coming? Absolutely. Am I gonna be ready for them? Heck yes! I have nothing to fear. If I lose everything I have, I still have the Lord and the promise of Eternal life in a place called Heaven. That being said, I am still human... and no doubt will stumble along the way.