Thursday, October 7, 2010

I am very confused...

I have milk. I have alot. Last night I pumped after a few hours of not BF (Daddy gave him supplement while I was at the store and then he passed out for the night)  I pumped 3 oz!!!  At night! After only a few hours! Amazing, right? I thought so!

But last night's feedings were simply brutal. I am confused beyond all belief. We nursed and nursed for a good hour off and on between 12 am and 1 am. During this, Everit decided to freak OUT and I was up and down trying to get him back to sleep. Dalton was dozing in and out of session, but he was still nursing fairly well. Around 1:50 he woke up again and I tried to get him to latch, he was NOT having it. Like, not at all. I was tired and irritated so I warmed up those 3 oz and he sucked it down and fell asleep till 5 am.

I latch him on and he's eating away, we doze off and on. I flip us over and latch him on to Righty, he nurses till we both doze off. This was about 5:30 I think? At 6 am he is crying hysterically. I again try to latch him on, he won't have it. I say screw it and get out of bed and take him to the couch to nurse (side laying can be awkward for us, but we are working on it...) and again, he is popping on and off, just being a fuss. Then he started crying again. After another failed attempt at getting him to calm down and nurse I caved and gave him supplement. He sucked down 4 oz!!!  I have sore nipples and I am exhausted. What a night.

BUT AGAIN>>>>> What the FUCK causes these bad nursing days/nights/whatever? After all this time it seems to me we would just have a nice flow 24/7. It breaks my heart when this happens because I feel that tingle of failure all over again. Makes me sick to my stomach. and of course being exhausted doesn't help one bit. I think I managed to eek out 5 hours of sleep total. PANIC!!  Frustration!  MEH!!!!

Getting a hold of myself.....


Breaking down some possible reasons:

A. He is older now, requiring more OZ per feeding... while I am making  MORE milk little by little, he is also upping his requirement as we go. Hoping we meet in the middle SOON.

B. We are at the 3 month mark which is notorious for Growth Spurts. I assumed we were through the worst of it last week. But its very possible he is not quite done.

C. Side laying may not be optimal for us just yet. It IS awkward, particularly with Righty. Maybe he just hasn't quite honed his latching skills in enough to remove all the milk he needs from this position.

D. Mommy's impatience. I gotta admit I am not patient, especially when I am over tired. I forget that babies feel your stress and react off of you. I must find a way to remain calm when things are less than awesome.

Well there I go... 4 solid and valid reasons. How silly of me to assume that things would just be roses and puppies ALL the time. I know better than that!

OKAY I feel better after talking it out with myself. Damn I love this blog.


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