Monday, August 9, 2010

So its 2:00

And we have not even had maybe 10 total minutes of successful sucks on the breast so far. Thats being generous. And pumping is yielding nothing... I got a whole ounce from BOTH breasts on my last pump.

Every time I sit down to BF my 2 year old decides to throw a fit, need a snack, color on something, tear something up, or just sit and whine at me for nothing. I guess he's finally starting to show that jealousy we have been waiting for.

LC's still haven't returned my call. I hope they do soon... it's the last thing holding me together right now. That tiny glimmer of hope that maybe our relationship can be saved somehow.

Really, he hasn't eaten much at all today. From bottle or breast.. a few sucks, sleeps for 10 minutes then up awake again. I know its normal for them to go through phases like this, but it's so frustrating. Stopping every 10 minutes, thinking its feeding time. I havent managed to get a thing done as usual, and my poor Everit just wants attention.

I have been tearing up all day long. Every time I hold that bottle in my hand it just makes me fall apart again. I just do not understand why it's so hard? Why isn't this working? All I wanted was to BF my baby.... I am not asking for money, or fame, or anything that I don't need or deserve. Just to feed my baby the easiest, healthiest, and least expensive way. The natural way.

And he's awake again. *sigh* I haven't managed to fold the laundry I started... its a miracle I got food this morning to be honest. Looks like I won't be eating again until dinnertime.

As my Everit loves to say, Lifes a Fish.


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