Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Honestly... why does it have to be SO hard? Why won't he latch half the time? Why am I always in pain? Why will he only eat for 2 minutes from me, and suck down a bottle in 5? Why am I putting myself and him through this?



Bragging rights?

The "right and good" thing?

Is it worth it? really and truly.. IS IT FUCKING WORTH IT? Because at this moment, it's not. I don't wanna cry either from pain or frustration. I have put my 6 weeks in, I haven't given up!! Where is my prize? Where is this beautiful bonding experience I have been working so damn hard for? Where is this miracle that these BF women insist happens BY NOW? Where is my ample milk supply, my healed and functional nipples, my starry eyed gazes and milk drunk expressions to coo over?

Damn right I feel sorry for myself. After all I went through in the pregnancy, and all I have endured for the last 6 weeks I think today I can feel just a bit sad and self-serving.

All I want is to put a hungry baby to my breasts, watch him get full, and cuddle him to sleep. Nothing more, NOTHING less.


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