Im only a little crazy...

That damn DPD finally got here! 2 weeks to the day from when it was shipped... talk about the short (or is it the long?) end of the estimated shipping stick. Ah well, can't complain. At least it got through customs! Shady ass...

When I woke up from my long and luxurious 4 hour nap on Saturday afternoon my DPD had arrived. I took 3 pills right away, and another 3 before bedtime. Yesterday I took 3, then 3, then 4.. so I guess I am trying 100mg per day. the dosage is really just a trial for every person. Some take as little as 80, some as much as 160 per day. Seeing as how I am a COMPLETE freaking idiot and only ordered 100 pills, I decided that 100mg per day will give me the best chance at seeing if it is at all helpful. Ahaa.. and if it IS? I get to wait another 2 weeks for more (thanks to being broke as ususal!) I am gonna throw down the cash and order a buttload if I feel its worth it. I hope its worth it. Who am I kidding? Im gonna order more at the first golden opportunity becuase this trial run is not sufficient in determining what this med can do for me. Doing my research it took a full 2 weeks to see the results, and then more at 4, and more at 6. So it takes some times. Which takes more pills. Which takes more money. Which I don't have. Story of my life.

Thus far I can't report much. My supply has been so up and down these last few days with the clogged duct and long nights and weird naps and that new pump. I just can't issue a statement as of yet. I FEEL fuller, but again things have just been off balance this weekend. I keep reminding myself, that regardless of how much prolactin is surging through  my system CHANCES ARE my surgeries have simply limited the amount of ducts in working order. There is only so much they can do. If I have 1/2 the ducts a normal lactating woman has, then I will make 1/2 the milk. The surviving members can only do so much!

This morning, well even last night I felt like I had alot more milk to offer. After the 1 am feed, I pumped, and could not get a freaking letdown to save my life. That pump, I just don't know. It works great sometimes, and others its completely useless. I tried cycling, different suction speeds, massage, compression, heat... and my boobs wouldn't drain. SO thankful he has been eating good or I would be in a world of hurt right now!!  I don't think I could ever EP with this damn pump...

Despite my confidence in a somewhat increased supply, Dalton is still taking ounces after feeding. Which by now shouldn't bother me in the slightest, lol. But it does. I think it always will. Oh and praise God Andy's parents bought us a HUGE can of formula. Praying it lasts till the next payday! 2 loong weeks. LONG weeks.

Dalton's latch is still poop. Kid is the size of a 6 month old now, and he still cannot latch to save his life. My nip is sore, and I cannot wait for the day he just stops hurting me. Of course that should coincide with more teeth, which will be a whole new can of worms for us I am sure.

Where do I begin?I HATE this pump!

 I finally got to bed around 8:30 pm, and I had pumped just before but I knew I felt fuller than I should. But Dalton was already passed out and no way was I gonna wake  him up to latch on, so I went to sleep. I didn't get up until 1 am and I was FULLY ENGORGED to the point that I could not even touch my breast. I got my compress, set out to pump, and I had to pump 20 minutes to even get some relief. Not even 2 oz??/  Are you kidding me? There had to have been 4 gallons in there! I was too tired to go on and went back to bed.

4 am Dalton is up again hungry. I feed him a bottle, and realized I was engorged AGAIN. But I was tired, and knew he would be up at 5:30 again, so I said F it and layed back down. 10 minutes later here comes Ryan...he had puked all over his floor. Great. So I scrubbed puke until 5 am. I set to pump again, and NOTHING was happening. After 10 minutes not even a full ounce. I warmed up the compress 4 times, trying to get something to shake loose.. nope.

5:30 am, Dalton wakes like clockwork. I decided I had to latch him on no matter HOW bad it hurt because this sorry excuse for a pump isn't doing a damn thing. I said a Prayer to the Lord, to help it not hurt. AMEN. Prayer answered. It was uncomfortable, but not that blinding pain I was experiencing the day before. Yes relief! He was able to un-gorge me finally.

6 am he's full and sleepy so we lay down. He starts fussing. i tried to just let him wiggle himself to sleep but he wouldn't. I sat back up, nursed him again, an finally he dozed off. I was almost asleep when...

MAMA! gets screamed from Everits room. I get back up and try to lay him down again. Crawl back in bed and when my head hit the pillow he opened his door.I yelled at him to go back to sleep... then Andy flew out of bed like he was freaking superdad or something and layed him down. He came back all huffy..i am now officially pissed off. 

6:30 Everits still awake but quiet in his room at least. Then out of the blue Dalton wakes up crying, refuses to calm down. I throw in the towel. I snatch him, slam the bedroom door on Mr "I need sleep more than you" and open Everits door. Make coffee.

7:30 am  Baby is still awake. Everit is calm. I have coffee. Andy and Ryan still asleep. I am blogging because if I don't get this out of my system, I am gonna be in a VERY VERY VERY VERY bad fucking mood.

Not pumping screwed my supply big time. I have been pumping all day (not nursing) and I haven't gotten more than 5 ounces. Yeah. I would have had 10 at least by now. No wonder he has been so pissed off at the boobs the last few days. There isn't much to offer in there.. not much at all. Well poodoodles. I have a huge decision to make. Power pump for the next couple of days with little nursing, OR nurse until the cows come home AND pump afterwards. With him being such a pill, I may go for the first option. And it might help get through the pain the stupid duct caused me.

Now it may very well be that my breasts are not responding as well to the new pump. It seems to have a stronger suction than the hospital pump did, but that could be an illusion. All the experts say even the PIS is not as good as the hospital grade. But its a close damn second!

WHERE THE FARK IS MY FARKIN DPD??  REOWR!!!  ROOOARR!!  MEH MEH!!!!

Yeah so the last couple of days Right has been sore, but I thought it was just from trying those new latch positions. Ha. I was wrong. Yesterday I noticed the pain was really intensifying. The last feed before bedtime was extremely painful. When he woke up at 2 am, I latched him on and OMG the pain was simply unbearable. I dealt with it for about 5 minutes then unlatched him and gave him so formula. I went to investigate, and saw the dread white spot on my nip. DREAD I say. I couldn't feel any lumps at the surface, but pain+bump=plugged duct.

So I got a washcloth and set out to unplug that sucker. From 2:30 to 4 am I did hot moist compress then pump. Over and over. I was freezing and exhausted and went back to bed, still plugged.

Dalton woke up at 5:30 and I really had not slept well at all. I was deathly afraid to latch him on (even tough I know nursing is the only remedy!) I gave him another bottle. I just was not mentally prepared for the pain.

And of course, he was up at 6:30 again like he is every morning! I latched him on, OMG OMG OMG OMG. I was BAWLING. Tears were running faster then the milk. I think I scared Andy. So I let him nurse, and I think it was about 7 minutes? I dunno, it was so painful I felt nauseous. Thankfully he passed back out after his snack... I don't know If I could have gone another second longer.

So I got my hot washcloth and did some hand expression, there IS milk coming out of that duct! PRAISE GOD!!  The bump is still there much more pronounced then it was... so Lord willing I will have this thing unplugged by the end of the day. I pumped for 15 minutes and got 1 oz (which is really good for after a feed) so I think that the duct is still in working order. I watched milk pouring out of it. Now to just get that plug out!!!!My breast still hurts, but not as bad... I am going to nurse and pump and nurse and pump ALL day long. Praying that Everit is content today, and Dalton is willing to be on the boob for that long.

And another thing.. what is with this fussing at the breast? The pulling? The talking? I admit it is funny to hear him mumble, lol... but I am ready for him to be calm at the boob again. Please someone tell me he will not be jerking around for the rest our our BF time.

Ahha... Maybe this is God's way of getting me back on a pumping schedule, lol. "JOEE!!  THOU SHALT PUMP! THOU SHALT PUUUMP!"  EHheee... like the Lord has time to worry about my pumping schedule! LOLOLOL!!!

the GOOD: Well last night was kinda spiffy! NO bottles until the 5 am feeding! WOOT!!  We BF'd at the 1 and 4 am feeding, and again at 5 but by then  he was WAY hungry and a little too fussy to be patient for the boob, lol. But wow what an accomplishment! I was super stoked!

the BAD: He is all but refusing lefty now. He has a kitten over trying to latch on. I dunno if this is a phase, or if Lefty has officially been deemed an enemy... but I will keep trying. AND I noticed that he did not have very full pee diapers this morning either... they were wet, but not heavy wet. Kind of dissapointing. I was hoping that by some small miracle I had actually satisfied him. But I think its more of a "too tired" issue. He is really all about his nighttime sleep. Good, and bad.

And my supply..ack. Its sad right now. I HAVE to pump. Just have to. And where the FLIP is my DPD? I  think what I may do is talk to Andy and explain that Sunday-Monday I need to have a nurse in, OR  power pump my flippin brains out. I can't decide whats best... with pumping i KNOW thatmy breasts will be stimulated properly..but that means bottles for Dalton, and I am forver scared he wont go back to the  breast. I f I nurse, then I run the chance of not doing anything at all because of his poor latch and un-wilingness to nurse lefty.

*sigh*  Decisions Decisions.

I had  my Wic appointment today. I brought the hospital pump to exchange out. Me and the lady were chatting about BF'ing. She asked me how long I planned on doing it... my reply was as long as he wants! She got a strange look on her face (shes kind of a spaz anyway) and said, ya know.... (dramatic pause)  we have single use pumps (dramatic pause) that we do give to CERTAIN individuals (dramatic pause) that are commited to breastfeeding for the duration. I was like, OMG what? Are we talking about the Medela pump in style for me to keep all my own forever and evers? She says:  YES. I couldn't handle it, I BURST into tears of Joy and thankfullness!!  What a BLESSING!  THE bomb-diggity highly sought after retails for over $300 HOLY GRAIL of pumps!!!  FREE!  THANK YOU JESUS!!  THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!
She looked at me funny at first. then stood up and said. you are giving me chills Joee... THIS Is why i do this job. THIS is why I love my job!!  Of course that made me cry more!!

The only downside is that I cannot have any more formula checks. But she was kind enough to give me 2 cans she had on hand, knowing how hard we are trying to BF exclusively. In fact, this makes me want to try even harder to EBF now. What a blessing!!!  Maybe, just maybe, we can be THAT success story...the struggle against all odds, the support from places you  never excpected, the perseverance and finally the goal!!!  As Lord as my witness, and all of you that read this (all 1 of you!  LOL!) I will try my best and NOT give up. I really feel like this was my sign from God that not only am I doing the right thing, but that I am going to be successful! 

Wow... just wow. Forget the 12 week goal... lets make my NEXT goal one year!!!!

FOR BREASTFEEDING!  Pervs!!!
Aahhaa!

So now that he his less floppy, and well HUGE! Weighing in at 14 lbs 10 oz! I have been trying new positions with him. And we are finding great success with this. I am able to get him into the cradle hold now for both breasts, and the coolest part is that at least on Lefty, he can now latch himself on!!!  Righty is still a bit of a challenge as it is so much rounder, but he is doing really great. Now that I can pull him closer to me I find he stays latched longer as well. Still pops off especially when he dozes, but his session have become longer overall!

I also noticed something that I had not before...I am no longer watching the clock. I don't know when that stopped really.. I just latch him on, let him go until he shows signs of being done, or just passes out completely. I also am not paying attention to how much supplement he gets. Some days it's alot, some days its a little. We really just kind of go with the flow now.

Nighttime feeds are getting a TINY but easier. He still has that funky latch at night (honestly that is the strangest thing) but we are working on it. Last night he did a 7 hour stretch! OMG! My boobs were SCREAMING at me! That's what woke we up at 4, and I woke him up to eat! He took both breasts, got em fairly empty, and passed out until 6:30. Took most of righty, fell asleep again. Fed him again at 7:30, emptied both and took 3 oz of formula. Its noon now, and he has only had Righty at the docs office after he got his shots. Hes still passed out. Of course, that was one helluva ordeal for him. He barely cried though!

I had doc check for tongue tie (just to be sure) he said, nope he's fine. He agreed he has a tight upper frenulem, but is confident that as he grows it will only get easier for both of us. He was proud that despite all the troubles we are still at it!

I am planning on posting a 2 month milestone ticker on the ORG on Thursday... I don't know if I am allowed as we are not EBF... but I don't care. Its a HUGE deal for me and I wanna brag at least a little!