Tuesday, June 2, 2009

im not ok today.

I put all my maternity clothes away... overnight I lost my beautiful big belly. I miss it. I miss the little kicks. I miss feeling sick. I miss my big boobs. I miss my baby. She should be in my womb, growing and thriving and getting chubby. She should be with me.

So i am trying everything I can to stay occupied. I decided to have a garage sale and get rid of some clothes and books I just dont have room for. And toys...we have so many toys that the boys will never play with. Its not working. I just want to lay down and sleep.

I wish someone would take the kids and I could have a day or two to myself to cry. I want to cry without someone screaming at me that their toy is broken or their bottle is empty. I want to go away and come back when I am pregnant again.

Thursday I have and appointment to follow up. Maybe I will get the ok to TTC again. I doubt it. two or three cycles they will tell me. Oh man, what if I never get pregnant again? What if this is it for me? What if I lose another one? I hate this... make no mistake. I HATE THIS.


  1. Leigh Anne said...
    joee, love. i wish i were closer. i'd love to hang w/ the boys so you can have some you time. you are continually in my prayers. you will get pg again. i just know it. don't give up.

    Deidre said...
    oh my love.

    Sigh, if only I could come to Colorado. Could just UPS the boys to me? Maybe you could include some yoohoos and pretzels so they wont get hungry on the way?

    :-) hope that made you laugh a little.
    Joee said...
    Love you ladies!

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