Im only a little crazy...

So in an effort to shake off this enormous DPD appetite I did some research and found that fennel has been successful for some ladies, and it could have a positive affect on your supply. So I shelled out the $8 and gave it a whirl. FAIL. Just like the marshmallow root it took my supply down in only 3 days. 3 days??? Dang. The pisser is I was starting to notice the positive appetite affects it had promised. So fat and sassy I shall remain until July 2011. I have an almost full bottle of fennel up for grabs... if anyone would like it I will ship it to you, free of charge!

In other news:  I am severely paranoid about being pregnant. SEVERELY PARANOID. It is common after pregnancy to get those "phantom kicks" in your uterus area, I have had them with all my babies. But they usually subside by 2 months post partum. 6 months later, I am still having them and frequently. Now, the chances of me being pregnant are SO slim... and I mean S L I M. I had a tubal ligation directly after Dalton was delivered. I am breastfeeding (technically its NOT exclusive because he gets supplement, but my breasts don't know that! He still nurses every 2 hours.) I have not yet had a period. I show no signs of ovulation. **warning, run-on sentence ahead!** My breasts are not sore, I am not gaining weight, my gums are not bleeding, my wrists are not writhing in pain from pregnancy induced carpal tunnel, I am no more hungry than normal, I am not craving olives, my sciatic nerve is in an great mood, I do not feel any less energy than normal, I do not have insomnia, my milk supply is intact, I have not tried to strangle my family, I am not crying when I watch Dora, my nose is not stuffy, I can see as poorly as I did before and my hemorrhoids are no worse than usual.

BUT the dreams.. OH the dreams. At least twice a week I dream I am pregnant and/or having a baby. Two weeks ago I gave birth to twin girls (and I had two vagina's, go figure!) Last week I had another baby boy and via VBAC. Last night I discovered I was about 5 months along, and my doctor forgot to tell me what we were having. I went back to his office to see him again to get the results and I woke up just before he could tell me.

I have had numerous pregnancy tests in my hands at the store... and I put them down in complete denial that this is even a remote possibility. I even asked me Doc at Dalton's 6 month appointment about the kicks... he grinned sheepishly and said "Oh, wow. Those really should have subsided by now!" He asked about my cycle which I let him know was still non-existent. Another Sheepish grin. and then he says: "yeah your chances are very slim Joee.. very very slim." Followed by the final sheepish grin. I am sure my eyes were as big as saucers. Maybe I should make him give me the pregnancy test, so I can strangle him directly if it is positive?

Yeah, another pregnancy would be devastating to say the least. I would LOVE another baby don't get me wrong... but we cannot afford any more children. NOR do I have any desire whatsoever to ever EVER darken the doorstep of pregnancy again. I am not a good pregnant person. I do not enjoy pregnancy. Andy would leave me for sure. Hell, my kids would probably leave too.

Paranoia BE DAMNED!!!