Im only a little crazy...

I have not been so diligent with the weight loss.

It's been 8 days since I even turned the Wii Fit on.

I have been eating like a lumberjack.

I know for a fact that I have gained, rather than lost.

I am using breastfeeding as an excuse not to make an effort.

Money is still tight and healthy food is still scarce.

I am afraid to move forward.

I am jealous over my friend, who is doing amazing.

I am fighting my own indulgent nature.

I am finding it near impossible to motivate myself.

This medication (domperidone) is really wreaking havoc with me. My hunger is ever-present. I just do not feel like cutting portions is even an option for me right now. I am not eating all day long, but when I do eat it's SO much. Too much. I am actually embarrassed to use my Wii because it's going to yell at me for not working out. I LIKE working out, it's a DAMN computer program! Why am I afraid?

And, I was doing some more research on the calorie requirements for breastfeeding mothers. There seems to be a running theme that 2300 calories per day is the minimum before milk supply is affected. However, reading my Low supply book (which I love) they stated that an overweight breastfeeding Mom can consume as little as 1800 calories per day and not have any affect whatsoever. The key being, not dropping it all of a sudden. So let's say for arguments sake I have been taking in around 2500 calories per day. If I were to Suddenly cut 700 calories my body would go into panic mode and start cutting back production. Not to mention the mental aspect of "imagined starvation", which would probably be more detrimental. The DPD is constantly emptying my stomach causing me to feel more hungry more often. Another reason that cutting back in a sudden swoop would just be ridiculous for me.

I need to take a slow and controlled approach at cutting back calories. And I think it goes without saying that I also need to start replacing many of my calories with some "good" calories, as I take in entirely too much fat and salt. How to do this though? On the surface the answer seems very simple... eat good wholesome food, eat less of it, LA! You are done! It's not that simple for me, as I not only am fighting the meds but fighting a house full of picky boys that live on Mac and Cheese and hamburger. My grocery budget only goes so far, and the boys come first no matter what.

My mantra MUST be this... SLOW controlled weight loss. Small steps to the big goal. Measure success in inches, not pounds. It took me 3 years to pack on these pounds, and they are not going anywhere quickly. Prayer, lots of prayer. God will help me with this.