Im only a little crazy...

but I can't upload it! Yeah, you copywrightin' bastards... made a beautiful tribute to my Son.... with video and pictures and all the good stuff. But will it upload? NOOOOOOOOO.... just because SOMEONE apprently does not get ENOUGH money from the 70000000000 billion dollars from the record sales and concerts....

Well, LADY OF COUNTRY MUSIC... you can kiss my big white ass... and I WILL distribute this Movie to all of my family and not give one blinking thought to you and your copyright....

*sigh*

Have YOU seen it? Because I have misplaced it somewhere... I looked under the bed and only found dust bunnies (apparently they have had a few kids since I looked last). I looked behind the dresser, and only found a pair of underwear that my waistline (or lack thereof) no longer supports. I looked in the fridge, and something in there was singing a showtune, so I quietly closed the door and backed away. The bathtub looked clean, and unless you count the shampoo bottle rings as modern art, It was not there either.

So... where does inspiration come from? I have been traveling the web, clicking on anything and everything that involves scrapping and nothing has appealed to me AT ALL! I want to reach deep down and find that inner craft mogul... but I am afraid she has gone to Mexico with Toot (thats an inside joke, so don't hurt yourself trying to figure that out).

Stay tuned to see if I locate and capture this missing link...

WOOT on earth could make me sit in front of my computer for hours on end? How in the WOOT did I end up buying a BAG OF CRAP and being happy about it? I just don't know WOOT possessed me to purchase pisatchios from a place that has refurbished WOOT... and what the in the HOLY WOOT am I gonna do WOOT a Bowling Game?

WOOT I will tell you is, I had the time of my life! And I cannot WOOT for the next WOOT OFF. I never WOOT have thought online shopping could be such an invigorating experience.... a big WOOT to my friends who WOOTED around with me (oh, and don't forget got me COMPLETELY ADDICTED). WOOT an experience it was.

Until the next WOOT, I will be silently cherishing every WOOT-liscious moment. WOOT dreams, BAG OF CRAP wishes....

I am going to do my own personal blog series. This is inspired by a recent friendship with a person who I feel is going through so many of the same turmoils that I have been through. I admit this person drivers me bonkers with her never ending drama and negativity. And it bothers me some, that I see so much of myself in her. I feel the need to go back and explore my life, and try to attain some understanding of how I have become who I am today. I feel good about myself right now. I am right where I want to be. Almost as if it is TOO good some days. I realize how ridiculous this may seem to some. Why would I even question? But its not about questioning at all. It is about understanding. I want to be an understanding parent to my boys when they begin the journey through adulthood. I want to be able to listen to all the things my parents have been trying to tell me for my entire existence. I want to be a good strong wife to my husband. I want to be a solid rock for my friendships.

There is a FINE line between sanity and delusion. I suppose, that is really the answer I seek... have I FINALLY crossed over to reality? Is everything what it really seems? Is this happiness I feel? Where do I need to make improvements?

Theraputic writing this will be...

.... to be a Digital Scrapper! Or at least I think so, lol! And I will blame my friend Penny for this. She mentioned it to me, and now I am addicted, and she hasn't even TRIED yet! Shame on you!
So, I actually really enjoy this. WAAAY back in the day, I used to take my moms art and mess around with it in paint shop. Back then there was no such thing as digital scrapbooks. At least, they were not quite as popular. But I always enjoyed doing it, just didn't have a frappin clue what to do with it! I would print it out and Mom would use it on those (old fashioned) paper kinda scrapbooks! HEHEHHE!!!

The ad at the bottom is where I post my books... LET ME TELL YOU THIS! These ladies are NOT messing around... there are some breathtaking books in there, and I do not ever intend to get as good as them...they are just out of this world...

Anyway, Its my new hobby. And I like it.

Well now that my mood has lightened I think my Blog will as well! A little story from this morning that might pull at your heartstrings a bit:

Ryan is a very sensitive little dude... and his heart is so big sometimes it just overflows. This morning the boys were on the living room floor playing. I walked back into the room to find Ryan all sullen. I asked him what was wrong. He let go of a flood of tears that would make the Hoover Dam look like a duck pond! Through his heaving sobs, he said that Everit would not hold his hand, and that he was afraid it would mean the end of their friendship! (insert Mommy crying now). I picked him and and held him and tried everything I could to explain that Everit does, and always will love him and think of him as his Best Friend. That he was a baby, and he just did not understand the importance of holding hands. Ryan heaved, just not understanding why his brother, his BEST FRIEND, wouldn't comply with his request. I sat down on the floor with both of them in my lap (its amazing to me, by the way, how you always have room for all your children). By this time, Everit was getting upset. If big brother crys, he crys too. So he had his bottom lip stuck out like a bottom drawer that was left open. And, as if Everit understood what it was he had to do, he reached out and grabbed Ryans hand. Ryans eyes lit up like Christmas morning. And Everit just grinned like a fool. Sweetest damn thing I ever saw.

Faith is personal. Very personal. I don't give a hoot where anyone's faith stems from (with the exception of Satan, of course). I DO care that people have it. God is my choice. Jesus Christ is my choice. Christianity is my choice. I believe in it. I believe in the powers of prayer and positive thinking. I believe that humanity is not entirely absent of faith.

Why have I been blessed in this life? I ask that question out loud because I really need to explore this. I have not always been a good person. I have sinned. I have been addicted. I have spewed hateful words and hurtful thoughts at nearly every person who tried to help me in those deep dark times of my life. I abandoned God and my faith. I believe there was even a time or two I completely renounced it. So why is it that I stand here today a whole person with Faith an happiness and blessings? I DON'T EVEN GO TO CHURCH! I mean, isn't happiness and contentment saved for those who give their Sundays to God? Pay their tithe regularly? Get on their knees and pray like its going out of style? I am not this person. Yet, I have been blessed time and time again.

Thank you Lord, for these blessings. I am not a perfect Christian. I am not even worthy of praise. Yet you continue to show me that things are gonna be OK. I do not understand all the things you do, or why a person such as myself has been chosen to be blessed. But I know I am. And I am thankful. Amen.

I feel the need to apologize, if not you the reader but to myself. I can't help but feel just oh-so-slightly guilty over choosing the following subject for my first post. I feel a little sad that it is not the happiest moments that have inspired me to blog. Not that I don't intend to blog about everything sparkly-unicorn-pink-rainbows and glitter wonderful. I do. However, I have to get this off my chest. It is too heavy for me to bear.

Maybe its my age... maybe its the sign of the times. I can't remember ever reading the business section of a newspaper before. Nor can I recall having ever more than skimmed a political column. Yet I found myself engrossed this weekend. I blame Michael Moore. The man who produced the Health Crisis movie, SICKO. I watched it. Accidentally we found it surfing channels. I was appalled. I cried. My husband cried. And for the first time in my life, I felt ashamed to be an American. Yes, I said it. Shame. Logically, I know that it is only one mans point of view. Logically, I know that productions such as that are created to pull the viewer away from the whole picture. Logically, I know, that he used only the saddest of tales and woe to represent his ideals. But in my heart, I know its all true.

I have always put up a mental block when it came to politics. I have always known (thanks to my VERY astute 12th grade Government teacher) that the ONLY thing that drives politics is money. I have never voted for that exact reason. No politician truly believes in change. No politician truly believes in "his people". They DO believe in that lobbyists they carry around in their very large pockets. They DO believe in furthering themselves financially. They do believe in getting their proposed bills through the senate for their own personal gain. THEREFORE I DO NOT believe in them.

But I was a coward. I never spoke out about my views. I hid underneath the umbrella with the rest of the masses, shaking, wondering if this giant governmental machine was going to magically transform into something different. Praying for my family, praying for others. But never once speaking about what I believed. This ends today.

I believe in the fundamentals of Democracy. I really, truly do. And they have gone terribly wrong here in America. Terribly, terribly wrong. GREED runs this country. FEAR runs this country. In the Bible, Revelations specifically, it is prophesied that Babylon will fall again. I have often pondered where was this modern day Babylon? Dafur? Iraq? The Vatican? No, I know where it is... and I live here. Right smack dab in the middle of it all.

I am not scared... I believe the Lord will take his people home. Whether we live through the tribulation, or whether he snatches us up first makes no difference to me. I know where I am going, and I know how it will end. I also know that I no longer have to keep quiet about my ideals and beliefs. The ONE thing that they cannot take from me IS my freedom of speech. Cliche, I know. But truth just the same. I won't lie. It saddens me to have finally understood that my voice will never be heard. That positive change will never be made. That my Children may very well be forced to see the end days before they even got the opportunity to see the beauty of this world. I addition to keeping them healthy, strong, happy and loved, my job will be to show them that there is always good among bad. Always happiness among the sad. And that can be found in Faith.